The current mood of bluelucy at www.imood.com

Watching: Jimmy Neutron

Thinking: about Daniel

Feeling: love for Daniel (well, more than love, but yeah)

2007-01-29 - 6:38 a.m.

SG-1 and Daniel/Asperger's/More Daniel


I just watched "The Changeling" and all the parts with Daniel in "Chimera". Well, in the latter there are some parts where I have to look away for a bit, but it isn't that long, so I can get through it pretty easily. Usually I will watch all of "Chimera", but I had less than an hour and a half, and I didn't want to miss most of the parts with my angel. If I don't think I can get away with watching a full episode, I will do that with "Chimera", as I don't love that episode, but there are a lot of great scenes with Daniel. If I can get away with watching just one full episode, I will choose "The Changeling". I can not just watch parts of that episode. It is my absolute favourite. Of course the bits with Daniel are the best, but all of it is so incredible. I always say it's like poetry.

You know, I was saying before how I don't care when people tell me I'm crazy, or that I'm not really in love with Daniel, but I suppose if I really didn't care, I wouldn't mention it, you know. I don't totally care, but I do wish people could understand, or at least that I knew no one had a problem with all I feel, and accepted it, even if they didn't understand it. I mean, when people tell you the man you intend to spend eternity with doesn't actually exist, that you don't know what you're talking about, it sort of gets to you at times, but I won't bug on it anymore. I mean, as long as I know what I feel, and I know there are always going to be people who will have a problem with that, so I'm just going to forget about them, and continue to love my Daniel (not that I could stop loving him).

Moving away from my favourite subject, I've discovered why I am the way I am overall, I mean in terms of how I get into things the way I do, why I can't talk to people in normal a way and generally don't make eye contact. Why I tend be somewhat matter of fact in my approach to things... It turns out I have Asperger's. To be fair, I only did a self diagnosis, but I scored 30 points on the test I took. The average for someone with Asperger's is 32, but two factors which ar common for people with this condition are inability to recognise emotion, and a marked lack of interest in imaginative activities, creative writing and such like that. If anything, I can recognise emotions in others better than my own, and better than the average person who doesn't have Asperger's can. As well, though I prefer the factual, non-fiction, I am quite interested in fantasy, and in fact won a creative writing contest in elementary school. To be certain, I went on an Asperger's message board and asked if it were possible to have it and lack those two symptoms. A mum answered and told me her daughter is the same way, and she was officially diagnosed. So, I would like to get a diagnosis from a doctor myself one day, to yes, make it official, but surely there is nothing wrong with saying I have it before then when it's pretty obvious that I do.

You know, I meant to end this entry there, but I have to go back to my favourite subject real quick. I'm thinking about him a hell of a lot right now. I know. Duh! I mean, though, even more than usual if you can believe it, to the point where I'm having trouble concentrating on anything else. Usually it's not really a problem, even if I am thinking of him 24-7, but yeah. I was thinking perhaps it's because I was able to watch more of the show than usual, and Maggie was gone so I was able to take it in better somehow. I prefer watching the show by myself at any rate, but of course I'd rather watch it with my sister than not watch it at all. Yeah, though, it isn't often that I can just relax when watching SG-1 and seeing my love. I have all these pictures of him that cover my room. I love my room! The only bad thing is that one poster, well, there is a main picture, which is fine, and there are some other pictures behind it that are part of the whole poster, sort of like a collage, which overall is also fine, but there are two "Daniels" on there who are not technically mine. One is just "2010" Daniel, but the other one is from far after the first study scene (or possibly the only study scene, I sure as hell am not watching the episode to see for sure, even the sort of way things lead up is at least troubling, hinting at things to come) in "Absolute Power". "2010" isn't so bad, but with the other one I have to quickly look at an actual picture of my Daniel (often the main image on the poster I've been mentioning). Iím very good at avoiding the annoying picture, but itís rather frustrating when I do see it before seeing a picture of my Daniel. I hate the idea of what was my Daniel being evil. I mean, somewhere in there is my angel, and all I can see is something horrible. I know I pretty well said that in my last entry. It just bore repeating for talking about that picture. Iíd prefer that picture (and even the ď2010" one) not be on the poster, seeing as how neither of those is really the Daniel we generally see (iow my Daniel ), but oh well. As I said, itís really not that much of a problem.
At any rate, obviously I greatly enjoy gazing at my angel and thinking about how beautiful he is which, yeah, is nothing new. Man, though. He has the most beautiful face. I love the expressions he makes. He has these amazing blue almond shaped eyes. I know Michael has the same eyes, but really, he doesnít. They look different somehow, like with twins, and Iíve said that on before as well, but anyway. Daniel also has the most beautiful hands (well heís the most beautiful all over). He does this thing where he puts his fingers together. I canít explain it, but itís darling. I donít even know if he realises heís doing it. I know itís not a habit of Michaelís, which again confirms the fact that they are two separate individuals. I think that somehow, when the show is filming, heís like ďchanneledĒ or whatever. It doesnít matter. Danielís real, and heís my beautiful angel. When you see the actors do the scenes, it's here, but when you actually see the episodes, somehow you see to that other reality (as I have to believe in alternate realities to explain this). Also, donít try telling me Michael just adds those quirks to the character to make him seem more real. Heís a fine actor, but no one is that good, especially when you consider that one is suggesting an actor can manifest another soul in a character. Um, right.

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