The current mood of bluelucy at

Watching: Gunsmoke

Thinking: I can't wait until 6:00 p.m.! (also, I need to sleep!)

Feeling: Love for Daniel, also tiredness.

2007-01-26 - 6:01 a.m.

Mix Stick/Spoiled/Yet More On Daniel

So, I got a Disney Mix Stick. I got one that says "Forever a Princess" because "Princess" was my nickname when I was little, and I still like to go by it every once in a while. I get it from the fact that I'm somewhat girly and sensitive (physically as well as emotionally), but I like to think I'm not as spoiled as that title may imply. Actually, I feel I'm rather less spoiled than a lot of persons living in America, seeing as I don't mind using an internet connection where it takes me perhaps five seconds to download a file instead of one.

Which leads me to my next topic:
What the hell is up with those stupid broadband commercials where they act as though DSL is way slow? Okay, that is so pathetic! DSL is maybe a little slower than broadband, but it's not that bad. I mean, they make it seem like regular dial-up! *sighs*

You know, I'm going to be a broken record here, but oh well. I don't really totally say this, I mean, I don't mean it, but I sort of say it in like a joking sort of way, or whatever you want to call it, but okay: I'll say sometimes, or I have said this, that Daniel needs to stop being so beautiful. Well, I know this has been well established by me, but he can not stop being beautiful. Who Daniel truly is, even if you can't see that, he, actually is still beautiful, and his physical self, as long as you can see his soul, will be beautiful, no matter what. I mean, when you see "Daniel" after a certain point in "Need" (which I've said many times I can't stand watching), the whole "Evil Daniel" thing is appropriate, because that's certainly not my Daniel. You don't really see him again until the one part near the end (I'm pretty sure it's not the very end, but close to it), with Jack. That part is very sad, but at least he's back. I'd rather that had to happen if the other thing had to happen first. Yeah, though, they call him Daniel still, in that middle part, and he responds to the name, but again, what you see is not truly my Daniel, because his soul is suppressed. I mean, Daniel is his soul. That's the bottom line. So, as long as that soul is not suppressed, can show through the physical, he is all together absolutely exuisite. As well, no matter how "attractive" he is physically, at least to others, if his soul, if he can not be seen, then there's nothing there but id, sociopathic, power hungry and all together horrid. I know they obviously could never feel the way I do about him, which is fine with me, but I absolutely do not see how they can see any appeal in that. God, though, again, it is unbelievable how amazing my Daniel is. I'm sorry. I know I said it several times. I can't help it! I mean, a lot of people are cool, attractive if they have an appealing personality to me and all, but god, Daniel, man. I just, I'm so repeating myself, I know, but I just can not even put into words how incredibly beautiful. More than beautiful! God, he is truly an angel! I mean, the angel of angels! That bitch Osiris, in "Chimera", makes him give her a kiss before she gives him coffee! I mean, she did other terrible things to him, maybe worse than that overall (though I can't watch that episode, "the Curse", mainly because of all that, and how sad he is when he finds out about his professor passing away), but I mean, how dare she make him do anything for anything! Okay, fine, he thinks it's Sara, and doesn't mind, but still, again: One does NOT make him do anything for them before they do something for him. I would do anything for him (especially as I know nothing he would ever ask me to do would be against my principles or anything). Hell, if he wants coffee, I will go to Columbia, harvest the beans myself, grind them and make the coffee all myself if that's what it takes, and I would serve it to him on a silver platter and pick the cup up for him whenever he wanted a sip. I mean, I know he wouldn't have me do that, but the point is I would in a heartbeat, if for some reason he needed it. I know I would get plenty of kisses from him without bribing him or whatever. Anyway, if I could be with him, all I'd care about is making him happy. Really, that's all that matters to me now, I mean, when it all comes down, what matters to me the most, even if it's not possible at this time. Oh, yeah, also, when he tells Osiris (thinking, still, that it's Sara) "I don't really deserve you, do I?" and she's all, "No." Oh. My. God. Bitch!!!! My darling deserves way better than her! No one is good enough for him, not even me. I know I will be with him one day, and I don't know why, what I did to deserve a truly wonderful fate, but I'm certainly thankful, beyond thankful. As for the fact that he said that: God, angel! I love that he's like that, but I feel bad, as well, you know. I mean, I wouldn't want him to be stuck up or anything, but to even think to mention that he may not be good enough for someone ! (Oh, and I just have to say that even though those scenes are of his dreaming, obviously, it's actually him, because the soul can be reflected through dreams, even if all that isn't really going on, it's like, in a way, he actually says what he says in the dreams.) You know, perhaps not, but I feel as though he would have been more interested in me, even at the time that those dreams took place, I mean when he was actually in college. I mean, I really would have been interested in what he was doing. Anyway, I wouldn't have minded, the way Sara did, actually. I would have helped him even, as much as I could, with everything, which I suppose goes without saying. You know, though, I don't know when I would have actually fallen in love with him then. Maybe things had to work out this way. There wouldn't have been a chance, but perhaps there would have, he would have seen more in me than Sara, and he would have fallen in love with me then. I mean, it's going to happen at any rate, somehow, we'd have both realised we're meant for each other. So, yeah, there definitely would have been a chance, but I suppose it doesn't matter to wonder now, at any rate, because it couldn't happen that way. I realised my love for him many years after that time, actually, and I doubt he knows I exist. He probably won't know until we're both in Heaven. I wish there were some way to communicate with him, but it's ridiculous to think about things like that. Right. I realise many people who may read this last part in particular, are laughing at me, or at least thinking I'm pathetically infatuated with some "fictional" character, that I'm "crazy", or I need "help". Just so you all know, I've heard it all before, and someone telling a very soon to be twenty nine year old woman who is well understanding of what it means to be in love, well understanding of what she has found, that she's crazy for that, well, it's pointless. It's wrong. It certainly won't make me suddenly stop loving Daniel or believing he's my soul-mate. I am a rational individual with a genius IQ, and many other qualities which should convince most of my sanity, but even if not, truly, I don't care.

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