The current mood of bluelucy at

Listening to: Land of Confusion

Thinking: I must address something very imoportant

Feeling: Neglectful and thougtful

28/03/2007 - 3:22 a.m.

Song/Wouldn't Give Up On Him/Strongest Love/Funny Stuff Can Wait

First of all here, I just want to mention that I tend to get into these modes where I only feel like listening to one album, or even just one song, as is the case now. Since about 11:30 p.m. I've been listening to "Land of Confusion" pretty well non-stop. I was reminded of how much I love that song after hearing the Disturbed version in the commercial for the "Painkiller Jane" series on Sci-Fi. I downloaded both versions, and listened to the Disturbed version a fair bit, but my favourite is definitely still the original Genesis version. I certainly think it's awesome Disturbed did a cover of it, though, especially as, again, it made me remember how I love it, and lead me to think of downloading it.

Right, now, more importantly, I have to address something I don't believe I've ever dealt with on here: I always say how who you see in most of "Need" isn't my Daniel, well that's certainly true, but the thing is, he is still in there somewhere, even if you can't see him at all. What I'm saying is, what I'm ashamed I never addressed, is that if I had been there, and I couldn't have prevented it for whatever reason, I wouldn't have given up. I would have fought and brought him back. I despise evil Daniel, and, even knowing my angel is in there, if there's nothing I can do about it, I hate not really seeing him, but I would never abandon him. If I was there, again, I could have done something about getting him back, and I so would have, probably sooner than Jack did, and no, I haven't watched that episode recently, well, the super absolute last minute of it, if even that, but It's number two (tied with Reckoning Part 2) on my top ten list of episodes I can never watch again because of the horrible things going on with my Daniel (one guess as to number one). Even seeing that last tiny bit was a couple weeks or so ago. It may be that seeing one of my many entries where I talk about how I can't see my Daniel in most of that episode made me think of this. I'm not certain, but in any case, I feel the addressing of this issue is important, to again show, to yet another highly limited degree, what I feel for him, what he means to me. I'd have to rescue him, as otherwise I couldn't go on myself.

I would have always been that way, at least since I've been in love with him, but I can tell I love him more now than I used to. Quite frankly, I feel like it's some sort of fluke, like it isn' possible, normally, for someone to love another person this much. I know this is silly, and maybe I don't really believe it, but I feel as though no one could possibly love anyone else as much as I love Daniel. I love the line in "Cherish": "Romeo and Juliet, they never felt this way, I bet, so don't underestimate my point of view." I know I'd kill for him if I had to, and I'd undoubtedly die for him. I don't know how I feel about committing suicide, I mean, just if that's what people are wondering about with the Romeo and Juliet thing. I know I'd meet up with him in Heaven. Of course, being with him, then suddenly not having him there, I don't know if I could handle it. Regardless, I feel in my heart, I know there is no way I could love him less than the strongest love anyone could imagine at least, and I feel it likely I love him more than that, yet still my love, my sheer devotion, adoration and more for him grows ever stronger every day.

I actually wanted to say about some cool and/or funny SG-1 stuff on here, but I don't really feel like it now. I'll do so in my next entry.

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