The current mood of bluelucy at

2005-07-29 - 10:19 p.m.

Origin (potential spoilers)/Here's The Thing/I'm Glad/Wicked

I hate the Ori! Um, I still don't like Vala, either. She hasn't changed, but at least she isn't truly evil. I mean, I wouldn't truly want her to die or anything. God, though. When my angel said how he was really scared. God, all the time after SG-1 is on, lately, I'm all stressed. I worry so much about my Daniel. I know he'll be okay, but I don't want him to be hurt at all, physically or emotionally, of course, and the episodes lately have been so heavy.

Wednesdays suck! Okay, at least MythBusters is on, but SG-1 is no longer on! Saturday sucks the most, though, totally.

Anyway, speaking more of Daniel, I figured it out! Okay, here's the thing: Daniel is my soulmate, right? I can't be with him now, though, but I was meant to at least know about him. So what happened is Michael made it so I could see Daniel, when the show is on, I get the opportunity to see my Daniel, thanks to him coming to life here (as it were), once through Michael.
No, I don't need to be committed. Maybe you think I'm crazy, but I'm not a danger to anyone, so there.

Well, I don't know what's going to happen after I die. I don't know if there is a Heaven, if love is merely some sort of brain stimulus that has nothing to do with the soul, if we don't even have souls, both of which I doubt very much... What I'm saying is, all I know is that I love Daniel; I mean really love him. This is not merely a crush, or puppy love, or infatuation, or anything like that, but while it's hard at times, I wouldn't want to end this, or have it never have happened. If the fact is that I'm never going to actually be with Daniel, if there is no such thing as soulmates, if when I die, that's it, I'm dust, well, I'm glad I had a chance to experience this "brain stimulus". I would rather have this then just die than never have been in love with Daniel and discovering that there's actually a Heaven, but that there's no such thing as soulmates or something? I don't know. I just wouldn't want to not have this feeling, here, now. I mean, if I was going to be with Daniel in Heaven, and I didn't know about him now, obviously that's fine. That's more than fine, being with him in Heaven, but well, I know about him now. I can't go back on that, if knowing about him now would mean I couldn't be with him in Heaven, well I suppose I'd have to forget about him, not that I could really, but then, that's just stupid. This sort of thing wouldn't work like that, I don't think. Okay, I'm just rambling now. My point, obviously, is that I'm glad I fell in love with Daniel, and that I love him as much as I do, even if there is no Heaven or anything like that, and if there is, I know I'm going to be with him there.

Oh! I saw Wicked the other night. That was awesome. I think of that story as an alternative version of the events leading up to The Wizard of Oz, a what-if sort of thing, perhaps. Anyway, there is once scene in that where the "wicked" witch, Elphaba, is with Fiyero, her love, and he tells her she's beautiful, and she has green skin, so she tells him he doesn't have to lie. He tells her "It's not lying, it's just looking at things a different way." The same situation happens again later. I won't tell you what happens exactly then, in case you plan on seeing the show, but the thing is, it's so true. If you love someone, you don't care what they look like; more than that, you love what they look like, they're the most beautiful person in the world to you, always, because they are who they are, and who they are is who you love, plain and simple.
Anyway, I realise I'm a total broken record. *sighs* I can't help it. I think I've said that before. Oh, one more thing. I don't think I ever confirmed the fact that I still love Daniel when he's in someone else's body, such as in Holiday (which as I've said, has become too difficult to watch). I mean, I know I don't even need to say that; I just like to cover all bases.

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