The current mood of bluelucy at

23/12/2007 - 1:00 a.m. to 3:20 a.m.

Monthiversary/John/Max and John/Playlist Update/Just Right


I have now been in love with Max for two months! I can't believe it's already been that long!

I was thinking, and I was annoyed before that I didn't fall in love with Max until my ninth time seeing AtU. Well, you know how John's favourite number was nine, well, I was thinking about that, and now I am very glad I fell in love with him when I did. Perhaps it was supposed to happen that way.

You know, I don't generally like to talk about other things on here during versaries, besides Max, I mean, but I really want to discuss this soon. I actually meant to talk about it yesterday, but I had a busy day. Mum and Wendy came over and brought pressies (which I'll put an entry about tomorrow). Besides, I am going to say about Max somewhat here, anyway, as he's a part of it, so I guess that works.

Right, so, first off, not so much to do with Max, just John. I was only really saying bad stuff, how awful it is that he's gone, and how I miss him, but you know, I hate when people dwell on the fact that he's no longer with us, the facts of what happened and all that, but I was watching Yoko on "Larry King Live", she is John's soul-mate for heaven's sake, and she wasn't dwelling on the fact that he's gone, but how wonderful it is that he was here at all, the positive legacy he left us with, and I realised, if she can be like that, I certainly can be, too, and I really don't want to be like those people who frustrate me anyway. I don't want to upset others, or myself, for that matter. So, yeah, I am feeling a lot better, understanding that.

I was thinking, people get on Yoko's case, saying how John wouldn't have wanted to be a part of a Beatles reunion, he wouldn't have wanted his songs used for that, but the thing is, she loved him, still loves him. I mean, again, they're soul-mates, and I know she would never do anything she didn't think John would approve of. John was the sort of person who when people bugged him about things he would just get overly defensive about his general stance, and because of the fact that he didn't necessarily care whether The Beatles got back together, when people pressured him about it, he would get angry and say how that would never happen, but then he'd say you never know. The main thing is that he didn't want to live in the past, but I really don't think, years down, he wouldn't have been fine with, not so much going back and being in concert, playing all their own songs again and all that, but restarting, with new songs, a new fresh start on The Beatles, you, know, but still, remembering the past , honouring it, but not going back like trying to literally recapture it, you know, which I think is what the Anthology series accomplished. As well, Yoko is friends with Paul and everything now. There are no hard feelings, and honestly, that was the main thing for John. Seeing Yoko fine with all that, he would have been a lot more open to it all, too.

Okay, now, none of that had much to do with Max, really, but oh well. It needed to be said. Now I'm still going to say stuff about John, but also about Max.

First off, I feel a bit frustrated that I love John as much as Max, even if it's of course in a different way. I mean, I suppose it doesn't matter, but I always thought your true love, you know, no one could hold up to them, and in some ways, who I want to be with and all, that's Max, certainly, but just thinking about it from how I feel as far as who I love more, it's a different feeling for both, again, but it's even, and the more I see stuff of Max, the more I love him, but John is the same way. I don't know. I sort of feel like there's some sort of connection with Max and John. Max is a lot like John in many ways (though no one else could be just like either) Max was born not too long after John left us, but he's obviously not him, so, yeah, I don't know. It'd be nice if I could figure this out somehow, but if not, I'll just have to deal with it, if you will.

I am super into "Blow Away" right now, incidentally. Obviously that's from my second favourite Beatle, but yeah, I have it on "repeat", just listening to it over and over for the past hour or so. I love the words of that song. It really fits how I'm feeling, and I actually put it on my "Songs That Remind Me Of Max" playlist, because, yeah, it totally reminds me of him. It's a wonderful song and it makes me really happy. Yeah, that makes three songs from George on there!

So, yeah, here is yet another update of said playlist:

"Little Wonders"-Rob Thomas
"Lift Me Up"-Backstreet Boys
"No One"-Alicia Keyes
"It Is You (I Have Loved)"-Dana Glover
"Brighter Than Sunshine"-Aqualung
"Head Over Feet"-Alanis Morrissette (I'm actually thinking about taking this one off, as I'm no longer so partial to the line, "What took me so long?", you know, for what I was saying before)
"The Way I Am"-Ingrid Michaelson
"Blow Away"-George Harrison
"This Kiss"-Faith Hill
"I Only Want To Be With You"-Dusty Springfield
"If Not For You"-George Harrison
"In Flowers"-James Blunt
"Love Is Blue"-Paul Muriat
"Heart Of Mine"-Peter Salett
"What Is Life"-George Harrison
"Watching The Wheels"-John Lennon

You know, usually end with that, when I mention it, but I have to say, I used to have to have things to fill this void, piercings, pets, whatever. I didn't even realise that's what it was. Now, though, loving Max, I don't feel the need for anything extra. I know where I belong, and that's just right.

Getting - Better

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