The current mood of bluelucy at

Listening to: Beatles Solo Music playlist (current song is "What is Life")

Thinking: Falling in love with Max was the best thing that could have happened to me, really (also, "Dark Horse" is on now).

Feeling: Like I'm where I should be as far as what I'm into and all that.

30/10/2007-31/10/2007 - 3:39 p.m. to 5:12 a.m.

Songs/Max/The Beatles

Tuesday and Wednesday

"Watching the Wheels" is Maxie's theme song like so much, I swear. Also, I have a romantic theme song for people I fall in love with, too. So, yeah. With Max it's "What is Life". So, yeah, solo songs from my two favourite Beatles. No surprise there. WtW is actually my favourite song from John, and WiL is my second favourite song form George. "Dark Horse" is SO my favourite song from George. Shit, that song kicks ass!!!!! It's been my favourite George song since I was a kid. I actually recorded a cassette with nothing but that song on it.

Anyway, I meant to mention before about Max's eyes. Sonofabitch he has the most incredibly beautiful eyes. They're like half moons, but then they point up, you know. God, and the colour... They're a darker blue than Daniel's, but so much more incredible.

So, yeah, his personality. First off, Daniel is so good. Too good. I mean, he fricken died because he saved a planet, and it wasn't even our planet. He always knows what's right like. Now, I'm not saying Max wouldn't risk his life and all like that to help people, but he doesn't have all the answers. He's a regular guy. He doesn't speak 45 languages. He doesn't have some super impressive government funded job, but he is who he is, and he's happy being where he is, and he may not have saved a planet, but as far as I'm concerned, any good person who went through the horrors of the Vietnam War is a hero in my book. A good part of why he got through is family and friends, of course, but I'm digressing just a tad.
Anyway, Max also has this unique way of doing things, of seeing the world, and Daniel is like that, but not in a way where it seems odd to people, just not as common of a way of thinking, (so, yeah, I was hoping to finish this in a normal time frame, but so much for that; I got too tired, and now it's past 10:30) and I like that he had trouble with school. I mean, he didn't care, so that's the thing, and yeah, college wasn't really my thing, either, but again, he's obviously very smart, and (okay, I will totally sound full of myself for saying this, but I'm not sure how to put it any way where that's not the case) so am I, so there you are. I got further in college than Maxie, but still, I didn't exactly breeze through it like Daniel obviously did.

I don't know, Max just has this way about him. Everything great about Daniel, Maxie has it and more, and then, as I was saying before, there are things about Daniel I don't like as much.

So, yeah. Honestly, I don't think after this that I'm going to talk that much about Max on here. I mean, I won't always be able to help it, especially after I've actually watched the movie, but I know that no amount of talking about him will do justice to how I feel. Yes, I said that about Daniel, but truly, this is different. When I see Max, I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest (in a good way, unless he's upset, then, yeah, there's that feeling like my heart is shattering). So, yeah, I'm talking about him. I guess I can't help it, but yeah, I won't be saying about how much he means to me and all that, because, truly, it is pointless. I can not compare or even begin to compare. I can't say if, "I took all this and added it up..." and yadayadayada all like I did so often with Daniel, because I mean, at least that gave an idea of how strong my love was, but this, I literally can not measure it in any way whatsoever. When I see him I just have to, I mean, I can't focus on anything else. I can't concentrate on anything for like ten seconds after seeing him (more or less depending). God, I seriously, I think it's worse not knowing if he's who I'm supposed to be with, because if I did know, then I'd have a reason to love him so much, to need him so much. God, I need him. I can't, I just, I mean, life, okay, I said I needed Daniel, but I never really needed him, you know. I never really considered it, but I needed someone like Daniel, someone caring, and he was there, but Max... You know in "Say Anything", when Lloyd asks Diane if she really needs him, or just someone to be there for her or some such thing, and she hugs him and responds "I need you." Well, that's how I feel about Max. I can't explain it, and I guess I'm sort of saying how much he means to me in this way, but different than with Daniel, so, yeah. If Max isn't my soul-mate, I don't know what the point of this is, in needing him. I just, I can't explain it. If I knew, yes, I'd be frustrated that I couldn't be with him, okay, way more than frustrated, but at least I would know. Another thing I never wanted to admit when I was in love with Daniel, but now it doesn't matter, obviously, is how I never really felt like, when I daydreamed about being with Daniel, that he really loved me as much as I loved him. I mean, I felt like he would have loved me, but not right away, I had to work at it, and when he did fall for me, it wasn't as strong as I felt for him. I denied this to myself, but it's quite clear to me now. On the other hand, when I think about this with Max, I feel like he would just so love me, as much as I love him, and God, when I think about kissing him. I said it before, but it bears repeating. I never really thought about just kissing Daniel like that. I mean, I did, but not this way, just like as foreplay and such, and during, you know, but even then not so much. I mean, I did want to just kiss him. Yes, I said that before, but I just don't know how to say it. I never just wanted to kiss Daniel on the lips just to kiss him, to feel that spark, you know, because it wasn't there, I mean, I guess it was in a way, I thought it was, but not like this. I just think about kissing Maxie all the time. Just being with him, hanging out somewhere, and we'll kiss, you know, like couples do, and of course I think about more advanced stuff, as it were, and then, too, I think about kissing him more than I did with Daniel, and I think about him kissing me on the cheek a lot, particularly the left cheek, for some reason. Yeah, though, kissing him on the lips, thatís the main thing.

I also never called Daniel by any sort of nickname, but that doesn't have to do with how in love with him I was. It was simply that, for the most part, he hates being called anything but his actual name, and Maxie really isn't like that.

Something else wonderful about falling in love with Max, I'd been neglecting The Beatles. I mean to say, they are really my main thing. I have been a Beatles fan since pretty well before I was born, really, and I've never stopped loving them, being into them, but with all this other stuff, SG-1 and all of it, I hadn't really been thinking about that, respecting The Beatles as much as I should, having a lot of my stuff be Beatles related, you know, listening to their music constantly, and thanks to AtU, and getting into Maxie, you know, falling in love with him, I was able to realise the error of my ways, as it were.

Also, along those lines, a while back I said I thought James was a better artist overall, compared to The Beatles, that none of them are as good solo. Yeah, I don't know what possessed me to think something so ridiculous. I was having serious problems. It had obviously been way too long that I'd been neglecting, all but disrespecting the demigods that are John, George, Paul and Ringo. I mean, James is super awesome, and he may be as good as The Beatles, but he's certainly not better than them, and that includes their solo stuff.

So, yeah, from now on, if I take a million years to finish an entry, just assume Iím doing other things for a bit. Maybe Iíll say somewhat when I come back on, but after this, Iím not saying anything about how I took a long time to finish an entry. Iím just going to, as I said, maybe mention the first time I come back, and of course reflect the time difference on the diary time thing.

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