Thinking: I can't even fathom the depth of my love for Daniel
Feeling: Absolute, complete and utter love for Daniel
11/06/2007 - 8:19 a.m.
Daniel and Others/Not Truly Obsessed/The One Truth
You know, I was thinking, if what I feel is going to happen in "Unending" actually happens, it won't be so bad. Anyway, I don't imagine it will last, but I hope that when it does end, it will be in an understanding way, with no frustrations on either side. There was a time, before I'd fallen in love with Daniel, that I wished ill of people he was involved with. I can't imagine feeling that way now. The idea of wanting bad to come to someone he cares about... I never want him hurt in any way, and it hurts him to lose people he cares about. All I care about is his happiness. I know I'm meant to be with him one day, but, for argument's sake, I would rather not be with him at all if that meant he couldn't be happy. As well, I really don't feel he has to be with anyone in his lifetime to feel right with things at that time, you know, but if he is with someone, I wish him well. Anyway, he's a good judge of character, so it isn't like those he's with are bad people, certainly. They don't deserve to have bad stuff happen to them, even not considering it would upset Daniel, which I always consider. I'm just saying for argument's sake, if you will.
I say I'm obsessed with Daniel, and in a way I am, but I looked up the definition of the term as pertaining to psychological disorders, it describes those who would do anything to be with the "object of their affection", even going so far as to bring harm to them and/or those they care about. They'll also often be under the delusion that the person they're obsessed with, if it is someone who can not possibly know them, is well aware of their existence. Celebrity stalkers often develop this way, and if an obsessee were kidnapped, they'd have a hard time convincing the abductee they're not happy with the situation. It essentially works out to a mental disorder.
The way I see the Stargate universe, the way I see Daniel, may be unusual, but I realise that, and while I wonder if Daniel could somehow know about me in some way, somehow, I doubt very much that he's consciously aware of my presence, and of course I would never even consider doing anything to him that he would not enjoy, and certainly like most people, I can tell whether or not someone is really okay with a situation. Of course, at this time, I can't do anything to/with/for Daniel, even things he would enjoy, but that's not really my point. The thing is, I'm in love with him, not obsessed, at least, not by the true definition of the word "obsessed".
God, though, I am so in love with him. The definition of love in its purest, most ultimate form. If anyone could see into my emotions, feel what I feel (not in the exact way, certainly, but you know what I mean), they would be overwhelmed by the magnitude of this emotion, what Daniel means to me. The only truth, the one thing I know for absolute certainty is that I love him, more than love him, in the most unselfish way, and this feeling will never waver. I could never, I would never falter in my devotion to my Daniel, my angel, my love, he who is no less than everything to me, and indeed, more so even than that.
As Iíve said, mere words canít even begin to define it.
Oh, one more thing, here: I (stupidly) forgot to mention in my entry on the 8th that it was exactly one month until Daniel's birthday, and exactly eight days until the two and a half year mark of my falling in love with him.
Getting - Better