The current mood of bluelucy at

Listening to: Yearning Playlist

Thinking: that I can't believe it's possible to love someone as much as I love Daniel

Feeling: Utter love for Daniel

05/02/2007 - 7:36 p.m.

Daniel (what a shocker)

I know I said I wouldn't make entries just to talk about how much I love Daniel, but yeah, so much for that.

You know, I didn't ask to love him. I mean, it isn't as though I said "I'm going to fall in love with Daniel Jackson." No. It just happened, and as a matter of fact, I was rather upset about it at first. Of course, I've happily accepted it now, but yes, to confirm, this isn't something I had a choice in, and it's also not something I can stop.
It's just, I mean to say, the thing is, psychiatrist may say that I'm using Daniel as some sort of safety net, but I've never really had a problem with relationships. All my past ones ended civilly, with no hard feelings on either side. As well, I've been in love with "fictional" characters before, so if it is merely a matter of some sort of fear of a real relationship, why would that be, and, if it were true, why did I not simply keep loving other "fictional" individuals? Furthermore, it seems if that were true, I would simply have "latched on" to Daniel, or someone else, perhaps, and chosen them as the person to give my affections to, not really knowing for certain whether they were meant for me, or caring whether I was truly in love with them, but as I said, I did not choose this. I was already in a committed relationship before I fell in love with Daniel, and if I hadn't been, I really don't think it would have mattered to me if I was totally single forever. Now, though, I can't imagine dating anyone else when Daniel is so perfect to me. I mean, I know there are people who, once they realise who their true love is, if they can't be with them, continue to date others to get some sort of companionship, to pass the time while waiting to be with their soul-mate, various reasons. For me, though, I just couldn't be with anyone else now, knowing who I'm meant to be with, I can't just spend my time with someone I'm not in love with, someone who isn't my Daniel, particularly as I'd be thinking about him the whole time. Really, I'd rather just keep on waiting, as long as it takes. Of course, I know some people are going to say to that "well, she'll be waiting forever, then", but yeah, well, we've been through that.

You know, another thing I was thinking is that perhaps people think that if I could be with Daniel, my love would wane, it's the anticipation of being with him that's really got me, but okay, that's stupid. Mere anticipation doesn't feel like this. I know that my love for him would never lessen, even if I could be with him. It would still feel, just as it does when I'm without him, that my love only continues to grow stronger everyday.

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