The current mood of bluelucy at

2005-07-18 - 4:33 p.m.

Machello Meal!/I've Thought About It.

I forgot to mention yesterday, after we saw Fantastic Four, Maggie and I went to Denny's and ordered the "Machello Meal"! Well, our server obviously didn't realise that's what we were ordering, but we got hamburgers (actually, veggie burgers since I'm a vegetarian and Maggie's not big on ground beef) and fries, then hot fudge sundaes (with strawberry topping, too) for desert. The only part we couldn't get were Icees. We just got cherry lemonade, which was certainly delicious itself, and yes, I realise my sister and I are total geeks.

Anyway, as we were eating, we were talking about Fantastic Four. In it, Ben's wife leaves him (to put it mildly) after he changes. She doesn't even talk to him or explain. I mean, realising you don't really love someone isn't bad, but not owning up to it is. She's totally pathetic. So anyway, as we were waiting for our food, Maggie asked me, if something like that happened to Daniel, would I still love him. Well, of course I answered yes with no hesitation. I'm sure she knew that would be my answer. She was just making conversation.
In any case, it occurred to me that I never considered how I'd feel in a situation like that with anyone else I've ever been in love with (or thought I was in love with). I honestly can't say that my answer would be the same. I swear. I've never had so little desire, no desire at all, actually, to date or crush, as it were. I've never considered, for anyone else I cared about, thought I cared about, how I would feel if they were incapacitated, disfigured, made comatose, whatever. Would I still love them? Would I stay with them, help them? What about as we aged; would I continue to love that person, be content to grow old with them, even look forward to it? Would I relish each passing moment we were together, even as our wrinkles increased, our hair thinned and we became (to the outside world at least), less physically appealing? Well, I never thought about it before, but I have considered all this and more with Daniel (yes, that's the Stargate Sg-1 Daniel, current, not any alternate reality, future or synthetic version, and not Michael Shanks, although he and most of the other versions of Daniel are certainly cool), and even though none of it could ever be possible, I will tell you that I know, beyond any doubt, that I would never, could never stop loving him. As long as Daniel continues to be Daniel, continues to have that heart, that unbelievably amazing inner beauty, as long as he continues to be my Daniel, I will continue to love him beyond the ability of anyone, including myself, to comprehend, and seeing that the possibility of him becoming something else, something less, than what, who, he truly is (permanently anyway) is beyond unlikely, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that my feelings will hold true for a very, very long time, to be sure, well on through this life, and beyond, that is, for eternity. I don't expect anyone else to fully understand this, or to really take it seriously, not even my sister. That's okay, though. I know in my heart what I feel, and that's all that matters.

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