The current mood of bluelucy at

2004-12-29 - 12:40 a.m.

58,000/On Daniel and Michael

So I'm guessing a good number of people who read this know about what's going on in Southeast Asia. Fifty eight thousand people are dead. You know, it's times like this when I wonder if there really is a God. I mean, okay, I know there is, and I know he doesn't like to change the flow of natural occurrence, as it were, but that's just, every time I log on I see the death toll has increased by thousands. Not more than a week ago it was at twenty thousand. When will it end? People die tragically every day, but so many, in such a short period, it just makes me feel so helpless. Granted, we can send money to help them rebuild, for provisions, etc., but there's no way to bring back the entire families that have perished, the love ones who've been lost. I'm sorry. I know this is very depressing, but it is much less depressing, I'm sure, than the devastation itself. Also, I know there is nothing that could have been done to stop this, really, and there is no use in lamenting over it, particularly considering the fact that I have no ties to any of the victims, but I can't help it. When I hear of something like this happening, even though I don't know the people it happened to, I somehow feel as if the loss is partly mine. I can imagine, feel, even, how those directly affected by this tragedy do, and it does help, as I'm sure (I hope) it helps those actually affected, to talk about it, and allow myself some time to vent my sadness over the matter.

Right, now that I've gotten that out of my system: I love Daniel. Okay. I know I've said that before, but it bears repeating, and I know I've also mentioned that most people would probably consider my love for him a bit on the lunatic side of the fence, but every time I make an entry about this, and actually put down that I love Daniel Jackson of SG-1, that I'm in love with him, a character from a television show, it never fails to seem crazy to even myself when I really stop and think about it, but why should it? I mean, he's Daniel. Anyway, I won't bother with the "I know I'm crazy" thing anymore, but I have to talk about how much I love Daniel periodically, because as I said, that bears repeating. The more I see him, the more I love him. He's so amazingly beautiful. I quite enjoy talking about him, even if I have nothing new to say. If I am meant to be with Daniel, I don't mind waiting, really, but I wish I didn't have to. I feel exactly the way I did with Nighty, with him, in fact, it may actually be stronger. All I want is to be with him, to hold him, feel him. One may ask (if he or she hasn't been keeping up with my entries or paying attention) whether it would be enough for me to, um, know Michael better. Well, obviously not. Michael and Daniel, when it comes down to it, are two different individuals, with two very distinct mannerisms and personalities. I do not see them the same way at all. I'm in love with Daniel, not Michael. If I had the opportunity to be with Michael, as it were, I would decline (respectfully, of course). For one, he is awesome, and I am deeply indebted to him for bringing Daniel, my Daniel to life, but he is actually not even my type. Furthermore, it would be unbelievably awkward. Because of course, he does look like Daniel, and I would want him to be Daniel, and since he's not, I would find little enjoyment in the experience. Being with Daniel, however, just being with him, and of course, being with him, would be the most wonderful experience I could imagine, more wonderful than I could ever possibly imagine, and I would feel that way as long as we were together, which, if he really is my soul-mate, will be a glorious eternity.

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