The current mood of bluelucy at www.imood.com

2004-12-18 - 1:33 a.m.

Acceptance :-)


Well, I got some sleep, and I'm still feeling the same way. Really, I knew this wasn't just a matter of needing rest. I'm actually very happy now, but still, it's unbelievable! I mean, it actually really isn't. I think it was inevitable, but still. Anyway, I've developed a theory, and a couple of reasons why this could have happened: First, though everyone has one person they're meant to be with, it's possible that your soul-mate can actually change for one reason or another. I don't know if that really makes sense, but, well, it's a theory. It's also possible that I was wrong about who my soul-mate is, previously, and it took a bit, after seeing the real one, for the notion that I'd been wrong for eleven years to click. Of course, then, I could also be wrong about this, but I hope not. He passed the old age test (I see if I can imagine myself happily growing old with the person), but so did Nighty. I don't know. What I do know is that, when I apply the old age test to Kurt now, he doesn't pass. I have no feelings for him at all anymore. Well, I mean, I still think he's really cool and all, but I'm no longer in love with him, and it's probably going to take me a while to adjust to that fact. I mean, eleven years!
Oh, yeah, also, this is proving quite easy to hide from Maggie. My outer reactions have changed some. I notice, of course, but it's either too subtle for her, or she's too busy watching the show to think about it, or something. In any case, this she can never know about. I really don't know how she'd handle it, and I don't want to know.

Getting - Better

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