I never imagined I could love someone this much. I seems as though every moment I love him more, not just every day. It's insane, and you know, the more I love Max, the less trapped I feel. Maybe it sounds corny, but he sets me free (hence the reason "You Set Me Free" is on my "Songs That Remind Me Of Max" playlist). As well, with other people I've had feelings for, everything always had to be so dramatic, so torrential, like some sort of cheesy, inevitably unrealistic romance novel, but with Max, even though I truly love him, far more than I could ever love anyone else, it just feels so natural, so right and sweet and wonderful, like being in a relationship should really feel. I'm not saying there isn't passion, certainly, but it's realistic. It doesn't feel as though I need to compensate for something with these tumultuous fantasies which would never really happen, and I believe I said before that my daydreams about him don't simply involve us together physically, which is more than I can say for other persons I thought I was in love with.
I keep having those "epiphanies", too. A few hours ago, as I woke up (just before falling back asleep for an hour; yes, I enjoy sleeping in), I got this impression, if you will, of him asking me to marry me. Of course I'd say yes to him in less time than is required to take a breath. Yeah, though, I don't know what those things are about exactly, but they're certainly nice.
Speaking of dreams, I had a number of them last night (or, I should say, this morning), or perhaps it was just one fairly sporadic one. In any case, it all had to do with Maxie, natch. One thing I dreamt that during "Why Don't We Do It In The Road", he kisses that girl he's with (I believe I've said on here how I think all the ladies he's with are way cool because they make him happy)! Yeah, and I was half thinking that was just a part I missed somehow, but obviously not. *sighs* Well, never seeing kiss another girl doesn't stop me from imagining kissing him myself (of course, I always imagine our eyes closed when we kiss, which is how he was in the scene in my dream, even though that wasn't me, obviously, but even considering he's not in love with the girls he's with, and it'd be even more for me, you know, he's so romantic and all, he'd never kiss like with his eyes open). Speaking of things I miss in the movie, incidentally, there have actually been a few times when I noticed parts with Maxie later on, but always he's way in the background, or to the side out of focus or some such thing. First off, when he and Jude(whom I've recently realised I love as much as John, though that's a topic for another entry) meet Sadie, and they first cross through that bead curtain thing, you can see Maxie getting all caught up in it. It's adorable! Also, when we're officially introduced to Prudence, just before and just after Sadie comes by and says "Where'd she come from?" just before you see Max come out of his bedroom, you know, you can see him in his bedroom. They show him twice, as I said, in there. Both times are blurry, but the second time's a little better. In any case, it looks like he's either sitting on his bed, or leaning against it finishing off a cigarette (I was pretty sure he was leaning against it, but the last time I watched it looked more like he was sitting on it, so I have to see next time whether I just wasn't watching as well as I should have been, or whether just that time I wasn't watching as well as I should've been; in any case, I can definitely tell he's smoking a cigarette). As well, a little before Doctor Robert sings "I Am The Walrus", there's a part where you see Maxie fairly clearly standing by the punch bowl, cigarette in his mouth, a cup of punch in his hand. I get the impression he has a fair bit of that punch. *sighs*
At any rate, You can also see
him quite a bit in the background after "Don't Let Me Down", and around "All You Need Is Love". After DLMD, you know, he was going to take Prudence off the roof, but he stays and gets harassed by those asshole policemen because he wants to be sure everyone else is okay. Also, I think he was kind of hoping he might see Lucy. I believe the last one of these I've noticed, likely the last one definitely, is, when Jude talks to his father for the first time, right after he helps Max with his books and all, you can see him (Max) running across the campus in the background! It's adorable! Maxie has a rather gangly, sporadic sort of run. I absolutely love it, of course, just like everything about him. You can see him run other times, but yeah.
So, getting back to the dreams, because I was majorly digressing, I also dreamt I had one of those photo book things of AtU, and I was looking at a picture of Maxie (I don't remember from what scene), and I was looking at his ear (he was to the side in the picture, so I could only see one) and saying how his ears are wonderful, just like everything about him, of course, as I've said numerous times. I also dreamt about this scene a bit before "Blackbird", where Max is lying near this pile of wood, and I was there, and I laid down next to him. Lucy was there, as well. Sort of in the background. It never got to "Blackbird, actually, but I'm not sure how it would have been if it did.
I've been thinking about smelling him lately. I have this thing about the way people smell, particularly with Max, the way I love him, you know. I can smell things in my dreams, though it has to be a focus, you know. I wish I'd have a dream where I was with him, in the AtU reality where all the other main people in the movie are, he'd say my name (the name I'd have if I was there), or somebody would say it, at least, I'd kiss him, and I could smell him. That would be the best dream, I think. Man, if I was with him, I'd wear his unwashed clothes all the time, anytime I couldn't be with him, I'd sleep on his pillow and all that. Man, I got it bad! *sighs and laughs*
Well, now, I'm off to watch the rest of AtU (this will be my twenty ninth time seeing it). I got too tired watching it this morning (this happened my twenty eight time seeing it, as well; I have to try and get to watching that movie earlier in the day), and was going to fall asleep to "While My Guitar Gently Weeps", as that number is, of course, quite mild. So. I of course don't want to fall asleep and wake up when the movie is over, or worse yet, during an extremely sucky part. So, I pause the movie (for some reason, always when they show Sadie), turn off the telly and get some sleep, then the next day either start watching the movie again right away, or do a few things first and then start watching it.
I watch the movie on my PS2, and I don't have to worry about it going off or anything. It's super sweet.
Getting - Better