Watching: SG-1 (Episode is "Bad Guys")

Thinking: Happy birthday, Daniel!

Feeling: Happy!

At any rate, later, Maggie and I are going to go over to 7-11 and get some Slurpees and those little cakes they have. I know, perhaps a paltry way to celebrate, but I'm looking forward to it. I plan to do something really big on each five and 0 mark (his 40th we ordered a cake from room service as we were at the Burbank Stargate convention).

Right, moving on from Daniel's birthday (though, not quite so much from Daniel), I have to talk about the last couple of dreams I had: Actually, first, I have to say that when I was watching Daniel in the dream where Vala took his corn chips, I was thinking, Stupid Vala! I love my angel so much! I love him more than anything! Yeah, that was my exact thought process in that scene of my dream. I'm always thinking that way about him, asleep, awake, 1st season, 10th season, it doesn't matter. Daniel is my angel, and he always will be.

So, back to the dreams. First off, I dreamt that there was this guy who happened to be Hispanic. I don't remember what he was wearing, but he had a wife and daughter (who were also Hispanic) whom he didn't treat them very well. I'm sure I dreamt about this because of how Day 1 of "24" is playing on A&E, and right now the whole thing is on with Kim and that little girl whose abused by her father. The only thing I can think about the Hispanic element is Kim's friend, Miguel, though he's obviously not bad. I don't know. Dreams are weird, a lot of the time. Case in point, actually, first I have to say that I dreamt I managed to help the mother and little girl (I wish I could remember what either of them were wearing, though). So, then, I was in this canyon like area with the guy, and something made me look up, and there was this star, white with I believe dark blue or black streamers, just a regular five pointed star. It was from the sky, but it looked like white glass. The guy couldn't see it, and it turned out that only Jewish people could see it. So, Josh Bernstein (from "Digging For the Truth" on the History channel) came in on a helicopter, and he was just sitting in the helicopter looking at the star, and the guy's all, "You can see that? Then JB's all "Of course. I'm Jewish." Anyway, I think the guy was arrested or something. So, then Dad was driving Maggie and me in one of those white vans, and apparently there was an oven and all, and we were baking a cake (I'm not sure if this had anything to do with Daniel's birthday, but it's likely). Anyway, this dude dressed like Freddy Krueger came up and said we should get out of the van. We were laughing, until the van roof started to cave in. We got out quickly, but I believe the cake was ruined. The Freddy Krueger dude ran away laughing. So, then, I was in this area with all these people, and there was this designated area where they were setting off fireworks. I saw my friend Becky. She's of European descent, with blonde hair she often has in a ponytail. She was wearing white jeans and a pink t-shirt. I can't remember the design. there was another gal there, as well, of Asian descent, Korean and Vietnamese. She was wearing a lace tank top with a white camisole, white shorts, and those corded rope like sandals, you know (I don't remember Becky's shoes). Well, I had to walk over this trail to get to them, and as I was walking I was thinking how I feel bad that Daniel wouldn't be able to see the star. I believe I woke up shortly after that.

So, then, my latest dream was a doozy! Now, say what you want, but this dream can say a lot for the fact that Daniel is my soul-mate. It could also explain why I relate to the Jaffa, why, in general, I favour black people over white people (at least implicitly), why I tend to be attracted to women of African American descent: Right. First off, I dreamt I was a man. I also dreamt I was a black slave. I was escaping to freedom. I believe I may have been on the Underground Railroad. I came through a rather swampy area, and a woman was waiting for me on the other side. She had blonde hair that was a little past her shoulders, and she was wearing a simple white dress. She was obviously there to help. It seemed this was a point where I could stop running, because I told the woman I needed a razor. She got me one, but it was very dull. I was rather impatient with her, and I can't remember if I thanked her for her help. I hope I did. In any case, I managed to find a house, which either was abandoned, or I broke into. There was a good razor in the bathroom of the house, and as I went to shave, I woke up. I was telling Maggie. I felt silly that it was so important to me to shave, but she said, after something like that, you know, anything to feel normal. The thing about this is, throughout, I was thinking of a woman, and I know it was Daniel, well, the person who would be Daniel. I got the very strong impression she was sold to some other slavers before we were able to plan the escape. I remember feeling very guilty about this, and wanting to find her, but basically figuring it was hopeless. I thought about her, and was loving her so much, like I do Daniel now. She was biracial, actually, (but obviously, there were plenty of cases of biracial persons, generaly referred to a "mulattoes", being made into slaves). Her skin was the colour of coffee with maybe a couple of teaspoons of creamer, and she had brown ringleted curls that framed her face and flowed down her back. She had intense, somewhat almond shaped amber coloured eyes, and a rounded nose that was actually a fair bit like Daniel's only more feminine, if that makes sense. Her name was Serena. When I saw her in my mind, she was wearing a flowered prairie dress (I was wearing torn up drawstring pants, no shirt and no shoes, incidentally, and I couldn't actually see if she was wearing shoes, it was just from about her chest up, mostly the face, you know, but I got enough outward to see the dress, obviously).
When I think back on the dream, I see her, I feel the way I do when I see Daniel, because, well, basically, that was Daniel, as I said, I mean, the soul, who he really is, only, he was a she. Oh, and I believe she was actually a few years younger than me, maybe late twenties, early thirties (I was in my middle thirties).

Which reminds me, it's interesting, the age I'm at now, compared to Daniel. I mean, I wonder how that works out.

Yeah, though, that dream really was an incredible experience, and I don�t see how it could have been influenced by anything other than that this was a past life. The same thing happened with Mum for Wendy. She dreamt she was a priest, and she fell in love with Wendy and couldn�t be with her. I�m not sure about the whole story. It's actually quite possible we had dreams similar to these before we even knew our loves, but didn't recognise them for what they were. In any case, I think this shows about not giving up on the love. In both instances, we could have tried harder, even if we didn�t know how. We were too afraid to say, okay, never mind rules, or the fact that something seems insurmountable. We can do it for love. Who knows exactly what made us not realise that then. I don�t know about Mum, but with me, I guess I just felt like, there�s no way. I have no idea where they took her, but yeah, I could have tried. Maybe I did, somewhat, but I barely knew where to start. Yeah, maybe I could have tried harder, but it doesn�t matter now. I don�t know why I can�t be with my angel here, but I�m hoping if I don�t give up on the fact that I will be with him one day, I�ll be able to be with him in Heaven this time, and we won�t have to live life over again.