Alright, I wanted to rephrase what I said in my entry before last, about no one mattering to me except Daniel. It isn't that no one else matters. If me being with Daniel now would cause something bad to happen to those I care about here, I wouldn't do it. I'd wait, but if I knew that everyone I know would be fine, I'd just never see them again, then I would go in an instant, less, even. I've had daydreams where I wake up in the SGC. I'm in a bed and it turns out Daniel is my husband or some such thing, and all of this has been a coma induced dream, albeit, a very realistic one. I'll never be able to satisfactorily explain to everyone just why I feel the way I do about Daniel. There will always be those who can't get past the fact that he's "fictional", but Daniel is absolutely everything I've ever wanted, everything I've ever needed. I don't care if it's odd to some people. It isn't odd to me. There is nothing more natural for me than loving Daniel wholly, completely, to a depth which is unimaginable.

Anyway, I thought I'd point out that I will be twenty seven in exactly a month. Then, of course, three years to thirty! I'm not like most people. I prefer being older. When you've lived longer, you're generally wiser, you have more memories, have accomplished more, and you don't have to feel like your peers are judging you. Personally, I don't understand the whole staying young thing. People should embrace their smile lines, crow's feet, and all. They're like footprints to your life. Even if some of it has been negative, it's a reminder of what you've lived through. Battle scars, if you will. I feel it's important to keep the past alive, to remind us of who we were, who we need to be or continue to be, and wrinkles are part of that past. I also don't fear dying. Death is a natural and necessary end to our journey through this world, and death itself isn't painful. I wouldn't want to be killed painfully, but the actual act of dying is no problem. Even if there is nothing beyond this, it will be just like falling into a permanent, dreamless sleep, but as for me, I believe there's something more, beyond this life.